Skip to main content

The Pink Underwear Story...

(Originally posted on Kylie's blog - <--- visit her there!!!)

So because I have to keep this short, (Kylie told me to…) I thought I’d share with you all a pretty funny story that happened to me when I first moved to downtown Edmonton.
Fast Forward.
A few years prior to this event, my friends had all pooled their money together to get me a birthday present. Instead of getting me something nice that I liked, they all decided to spend over $100 at the dollar store and buy me a bunch of crap. Now they did however ask me what I wanted, to which I replied “Just get me a hoodie from American Apparel”. This would turn out to be a bad suggestion. My friends went to American Apparel and purchased my gift.
So back on track, I got the bag of crap with a plastic saw that made sawing noises, a pen the size of a badger, colored staples, a feather boa, numerous children’s toys, some chocolate….and at the very bottom of the bag, which was supposed to be my hoodie…was a pair of bright pink boy short type underwear. I flipped…. “This is not a hoodie!” I exclaimed… when one of my friends shouted… “Yeah we know, we figured this would be better than a hoodie.” So I grunted back…”I sure as shit hope you don’t expect me to model these for you….” “No….gross!” Me: “Thank god for that….”

So, a year or so later (yes I did wear them…) I moved to an apartment downtown. I had washed my clothes prior to leaving mom’s house and had roughly a month until I had to do laundry. Skip ahead one month and I found myself in the laundry room. The pink underwear is now the LAST pair I wear…which reminds me I need to do laundry. So I finally get the drying out and head up the elevator. It stops a few floors up and the most amazing looking woman gets on. We exchange pleasantries and she looks down towards my pile of clothes and covers her mouth with her hand, holding in a chuckle. I smile and she points to the top of my basket wherein lies my pink underwear…looking as though god himself placed them there…all pressed and gingerly placed on top as a beacon of cleanliness. I think to myself… “Sonofa…” and those of you who know me well enough know I am extremely witty and hilarious…so in attempt to break the ice with hottie mchotterson I say the following… “Oh THOSE…. Those belong to my husband…” squeaking out a snicker and a sigh… Let me point out here the fact that I am not gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that…) nor did I have a husband at the time…or now for that matter. It didn’t dawn on me that saying that would potentially ruin any sort of possible future contact with this babe, I was just trying to be funny. She belted out a laugh the likes of which I have never seen… tears streaming down her face… I had won. But at what cost? Well… I never saw her again. UNTIL….

About a month later I was explaining to my friend the story, who immediately called me an idiot and demanded the revocation of my man card. I had lost a point for the team and was being fired from manhood. He chuckles and shakes his head disappointingly at me as we enter the elevator. A few floors up it stops and the doors open to who else…. Babe McHottiness. She smiles at me….I smile back… then she looks at me, leans over, nudges me gently and says… “So, is that your husband?” We all burst into homicidal laughter with the exception of my friend…who by implying he was gay now looks a little more punchy. He still bugs me about it to this day, and I still have the underwear. Hope you enjoyed! And Thank's to the lovely Kylie for the guest post! :)


Popular posts from this blog

How to stop being a turbo-cunt in 10 easy steps: A Journey of self exploration

Hey folks! I'm back again and this time with a much more personal rant.

This's work related.

Now I'm not going to mention where I currently work, or where I used to work, for the obvious reasons, but the few of you out there in internet land who know me well, know exactly where I work/used to work. I suggest you take initiative on your own to avoid these companies as I myself would not purchase anything from a place of work that had the following "going's on" behind closed doors. Most companies are filled with complete B.S., and I have refused to go to places where I have been either A) Treated poorly or B) I know someone who has.

Now normally I would hold back writing about something so personal, and something so "taboo" due to fear of firing or some type of set back, but I'm really quite sick and tired of the complete bullshit that I deal with and have dealt with on a daily basis. I feel I must express these emotions before I shit…


These are the words that were spoken by a lady who had her car smashed early this past Sunday. Apparently someone in my building got away with a hit-n-run.
It was a crisp Sunday morning, the birds chirping, fresh air…and I in my shorts. I decided to get up early and get some errands done, so I decided to take out the trash and load up my bottle collection to take to the depot. On my 3rd or 4th time down the elevator I noticed a vehicle parked sideways in the corner, hood ajar and stern looks on the faces of the owners. One of the individuals was a lady whom by the expression on her face looked like she was taking the meanest dump in history. Face bright red with fury, fists clenched and pacing wildly back and forth. As I exited my building I could then hear her screaming “SOMEONE SMASHED MY FUCKING CAR!!” This alerted me and began a series of ring like tones in my ear; first from the pitch and whine of it, then due to loudness and obnoxiousness as she repeated it several times.

Now …

My experience with Kijiji...

Well I know what most of you are probably thinking, that my experience with Kijiji was terrible, and you'd be right, but it did enlighten me somewhat, so I will gladly share it with you.

First let me just give you an overview of the ads. They're all pretty much more or less the same, albeit from a few that are in the wrong place, i.e. FREE does not mean "Take over my contract" for a cell phone. So there should be some mitigating factors put in place and a keen common sense in order to weed out the phonies. (No pun intended).

Let me also point out that most of the ads are completely terrible. There are no pictures of the items people are selling and if there are, 9 out of 10 times, it's a stock photo from some website which is not a direct representation of the items they're selling.... May I make some suggestions to those of you out there selling on Kijiji?

A) First of all, take the time to take GOOD pictures of what you are selling. The better the picture, t…