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Showing posts from March, 2013

My Neighbor smokes too much!

My Neighbor smokes too much!

So my next door neighbor smokes too much. I can always tell when he’s going for a smoke because he has to open the patio door, which conveniently resides right next to my bedroom window.
So every night, while I’m attempting to drift off to lullaby land, the sliding door opens and of course it’s somewhat loud. It’s the normal sound, but it’s at a volume that is quite annoying...especially when it occurs 16-20 times a night.
He needs like 20 smokes a night – multiply that by 4 because he needs to open and then close the door to get out, then open and close it again to get back inside. So we’re talking about 80 times a night that I hear the sliding patio door opening and then closing.
Now that in itself is pretty annoying, but add in the fact that when it’s warm out I open my bedroom window. So basically the smoke floats from his patio into my bedroom. That’s gross. I recently quit smoking completely, so this doesn’t want to make me smoke again; I’ve long since …

I hope you die.

Yes, that's right....I said it. I hope you die, or that you kill someone close to you.

Why? Because you drive too fast. What's that? You need to get somewhere and you're late? Well guess what sissy, so is everyone else.

We all have places to go, things to do, have to get to work on time, pick-up the kids, pay bills, get groceries...e.t.c. But why are we risking out lives for the most mundane things?

Fort McMurray has a 2 lane highway, and millions of cars travel that road every year...which causes bad traffic. Yet people still drive like idiots. Proof? 60+ collisions in 24 hours. Why? The road conditions are shitty yet you still drive like it's not, but then why did you crash? Do you have enough experience driving in slippery white-out winter conditions? I guarantee not. So why risk your life or the life of someone else's because of your stupidity? You drive too fast and too carelessly for the road conditions. You aren't capable of operating a motor vehicle so…

How to act awkward during social situations.

Here is a brief list of things that you can do to make any social gathering a completely awkward one.

I've often wondered if there are people out there who do similar things on purpose just to see what kind of reaction they can get from people. Most of the time these situations are basic and nothing out of the ordinary should happen, yet there is always that one person that seems to over-step the boundaries of common sense and thus hilarity ensues.

Now I'm going to forgo the less attractive burping and/or farting in public...because, let's face it... we need something a little more intellectual...just a little something to throw the others off balance.

You want to be remembered as the guy/girl who talks too closely, or the person who uses the back of your head as a sneeze guard.

Step #1

Shake hands with the opposite hand.

Most people will shake hands with their right hand, mainly because there is a larger population of 'righties' therefore it's more common in s…