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Showing posts from August, 2013


I’ll just come right out and say it... I fart. A LOT! Not all the time mind you, but if I have some spicy chicken Chinese food or chili cheese fries from Taco Bell it’s probably not a good idea to stand behind me at a checkout.
I have only once had follow through and I think that’s all it really takes to notify you of the impending doom so that you never have the problem again. I also stay away from certain foods that give me that bloated gunt cramp that makes you force out a gooey treat. Now I have no issue, other than the raunchy air bombs I currently deliver.
I guess it all started when I was a baby. Eating Gerber teething cookies and more than likely swallowing copious amounts of air while stuck to the teat didn’t help either. Moving forward in life I probably went through the stage that many teenagers go through; the dreaded “smell your own farts” phase and the “guess what I ate” stage. I’m pretty sure there was a time when I ate foods specifically to gross people out via my gaseou…


No, I meant BUMS... not the physical part of the body... the stereo-typical homeless person.
Now I’m sure there is probably a better way to explain it than just the following sentence but I digress....
Let me explain:
The other day after dropping my lovely and devoted girlfriend off at work I went to go and get a coffee... (It might be prudent to add in the fact here that I borrowed the 2$ required for said coffee)
I stopped at the Tim Horton’s near her place of work and being as it’s not a drive through location I had to go in. Now usually at this time of the day, 7am to be precise there are usually the typical low-life drifters, early morning students and work folk. I am neither of those, and almost never drink coffee...but every now and then I enjoy a good cuppa’ brew.
So I’m standing in line and some lady approaches some gentlemen in front of me asking for money to buy a coffee. I didn’t realize it until afterwards...but she was homeless. Now, I’m not an idiot and I know it…